Whose Rights Matter Here?

I saw two news reports today involving two transwomen. In one case the question is raised about the rights of the individual vs. the rights of society, in this case, the rights of other teenage girls to be afforded a dressing room without a preoperative teenage transsexual girl sharing the locker room with them. The other case involves the rights of an adult transsexual woman to complete her transition by having gender reassignment surgery vs. her parents' desire to block her from having the surgery. In that case, a Pennsylvania judge has issued a stay preventing the woman from having her surgery until the case can be heard.

Because the transsexual girl is a minor, I have chosen to delete her name from the news report by the CBS news affiliate who did publish her name. I don't think publishing her name is the proper thing to do.

In the first case, the CBS affiliate in St. Louis, Missouri reports: " Over 150 Missouri high school students voiced their displeasure about a transgender teen using the girls’ locker room by walking out of class.

Students at Hillsboro High School staged a two-hour walkout Monday over 17-year-old  (the student), a student who has identified as a female since she was 13, using the girls’ locker room during gym class.

The school offered (the student) a gender-neutral bathroom, which she turned down. St. Louis attorney Timm Schowalter says, “All students have a right, under Title 9, to access the bathroom of their choice.”

Family members of high school students were also holding a protest.

“Boys need to have their own locker room. Girls need to have their own locker room, and if somebody has mixed feelings where they are, they need to have their own also,” protester Jeff Childs told KMOV. Childs was holding a “Girls Rights Matter” sign.

Tammy Sorden, whose son goes to Hillsboro High School, believes it’s not right to give (the student) special treatment “while the girls just have to suck it up.”

“The girls have rights, and they shouldn’t have to share a bathroom with a boy,” she told the Post-Dispatch."

As a preoperative transsexual myself, I find myself agreeing with the female students of the high school. I don't think they should have to share a locker room with a preoperative transsexual. That is an environment in which there is not the privacy afforded in a regular women's bathroom. This is an environment in which women are fully disrobed in front of each other and I do think it is important to be sensitive to their feelings about this situation. Personally, at this point in my own transition I think it would be terribly disrespectful to subject genetic women and postoperative transsexual women to my presence in the locker room. In the news report or in the protests by the high school students, I do not see any mention of the girls objecting to this preoperative transsexual girl sharing the regular restrooms. This indicates to me that this particular school's students and faculty are rather tolerant of the transsexual students presence in another intimate place, albeit not as intimate as a locker room. To me the transsexual student is being insensitive to the feelings of the very people she is trying to assimilate with. This is not the way to go about it, in my opinion.

In the second case, I will include the name of the transsexual woman because she is an adult.

The Associated Press reports " A transgender woman whose parents went to court Wednesday to block her gender-reassignment surgery in Pennsylvania said she would rather die on the operating table than continue living with male anatomy.

Christine Kitzler, 48, said during a break in the emergency hearing that the risk factors her father raised - including complications from her HIV and Hepatitis C diagnoses - were worth enduring to have her body match the gender she's identified with since growing up in suburban Cleveland, Ohio.

The surgery, temporarily halted earlier this week by a suburban Philadelphia judge as he considers a longer stay, would also save her from backsliding into alcohol and drug addiction, Kitzler said.

Her parents, Klaus and Ingrid Kitzler, contend Kitzler is not competent to make an informed decision to have the surgery because of depression and a childhood learning disorder, and want a temporary guardian named.

"I might die from this. But it's worth dying," Kitzler said. "I would rather die than live the way I was and return to my bad addictions, like alcohol, because I can't do it and I won't do it."

Kitzler's surgery had been scheduled for Tuesday in Pennsylvania, but Bucks County Judge C. Theodore Fritsch Jr. stopped it after her parents' lawyers filed for an injunction and asked for time for reflection before she goes through with what they called an irreversible surgery.

Testifying at the hearing, Klaus Kitzler underscored his concern for his daughter's health. He said he would accept her surgery if an independent psychiatrist deemed her fit to make the decision.

"I accept it, but I want to stop it," Kitzler told the judge. "I would love to have a son back who goes to church with us on Sunday mornings."

Christine Kitzler, who lives in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, has already been through 16 months of pre-operative preparation, including a 24-hour fast before Tuesday's scheduled surgery, and has received clearances from mental health professionals that she is knowingly and willingly undergoing gender reassignment, her doctor said.

Her lawyer, Angela Giampolo, said she had never seen competency invoked to block a gender-reassignment surgery.

"This isn't a competency hearing. This isn't a guardianship hearing. It's a difference of opinion," the prominent Philadelphia gay-and-transgender-rights lawyer said.

Giampolo said Kitzler's parents are trying to prevent her from living an authentic life. They said they fear Klaus and Ingrid Kitzler want to bring her back to Ohio, win a court action there and permanently block the surgery.

"They have a daughter. They don't have a son," Kitzler said. "I'll have the parts. I am a woman." "

Ms. Kitzler is an adult and she has made a carefully informed decision that having gender reassignment surgery is necessary for her to have a quality of life that makes life itself worth living.

In my opinion, the arguments that she has suffered from depression, has a history of addiction and has a learning disorder are all specious arguments. And here is one reason why the WPATH standards of care exist. 

Let's take this point by point: 1. Ms. Kitzler is an adult and as an adult it is her right to pursue gender reassignment. 2. Show me a person who is transsexual and never suffered from depression to one degree or another. I don't believe there are enough of individuals who have not been depressed in people who are transsexual to be considered statistically significant. 2. Transsexual individuals experience higher rates of addiction and substance abuse than the general population. 3. Having a learning disability in no way impacts the decision to make a gender transition. 4. Having HIV and Hepatitis C infections does not necessarily preclude one from having surgical procedures. 5. None of the above factors generally diminish legal competency.

Because of the guidance of WPATH standards of care, Ms. Kitzler was screened by mental health professionals and found that her mental health and substance abuse issues at this time are not a barrier to treatment and that she is making a well informed and competent decision to pursue gender reassignment surgery. Her physicians have assessed her and found her to be a good surgical risk and are willing to perform the procedure. This should be the end of the story, but it isn't. Her father's sole reason for seeking the court's intervention is that " I just want to have a son who goes to church with us on Sunday mornings." 

If the truth be told, he never had a son, though I do believe he didn't know that for many years. Transsexuals become skilled at living a life and acting out a life that is not authentic. Wouldn't if be more loving and affirming if her father had said, "I'll be looking forward to having my daughter to go to church with us on Sunday morning." 

When this sad episode is over, I'm guessing he will neither have a son or a daughter. My guess is that Ms. Kitzler will never wish to speak to her parents again, or at least for so long a period of time that there will not be much time left in life for them to share. Really, how sad is that? What a terrible thing to happen.

Further Along... "How Very Taoistic of You Miss Sherri" or "How I'm Learning to Turn Off the Noise in my Mind"

I am back from vacation and back with a full caseload at work. Our beach vacation was much needed and enjoyed. It was wonderful to have so much undivided time with Patty. Other than going for several long walks that she was not up to, we were totally together without any of our regular responsibilities.

This was the longest period that Patty and I have lived together publically. That may surprise some of you but I have been very sensitive to Patty's needs to adjust to the changes in the seasons of our life together. It's not all about me. Sometimes it feels that way, but it is about us. It was so good for her to finally see me in so many very different public social situations, without the context of "gender issue" and just being me, having a normal time with people treating me as any other woman. She was so much more comfortable with where I am at in my transition than before. I'm very thankful.

We came home the following Monday.  That Wednesday, I played golf with my friend Janet. We played at a course she hadn't played forever and it was my first time at that course. I was hoping to show her how much I have improved, but of course that didn't happen! It seemed like a very easy course compared to where I play, but the fairways weren't forgiving in terms of the width of each hole and there were several challenging water hazards. Well, it wasn't pretty but I did chip a very long shot with her chipper that I sunk, which was way cool! My putting wasn't quite up to my usual level and that is the one real strength I have in golf. However, as ususal we had a nice visit and fun playing. I don't have many friends who have known me since I was 18.

On Thursday, I went back to work and then had my normal weekend time off. That was a nice way to ease back into my work.

On Friday, Patty went on an overnight trip to be with her intentional community. When I came home from work, I did not turn on the TV, radio, nor did I put on music. I had a nice quiet evening, went to bed at a reasonable hour and slept well.

When I got up on Saturday it was about an hour later than I had wanted to sleep. Again, I just didn't turn on anything and again enjoyed the peaceful quietness of the home I have spent 28 years of my life altogether.

I got so much done! I started to do household chores and totally cleaned the bathroom, did all the dishes, did two loads of laundry, folded and put away. I also got the grocery shopping done and made Patty a nice Mediterranian Seafood Fettucine. I couldn't get the scallops I normally use so I substituted lump crap meat and had the shrimp with it too as I usually do. If any of you want this recipie, just let me know. Simple, easy to make, delightful and wonderful on a very hot summer evening as it is served cool. Patty was pleased and the rest of our weekend was relaxing.

I was talking with my therapist Dana and I told her that I was feeling stuck in the last stagees of my transition. But I also told her it only seemed that way to me because I haven't figured out exactly how to inform my employer and it scares me because I've worried about doing it for unselfish reasons. I have gotten so much accomplished in reality, E=M*C squared, and all that time and relativity stuff, you know. I did, however, make a decision that I think will be helpful in all of this and have decided to make an appointment to talk to the governing board of my profession and inform them of my intentions in person. I want them to be aware that I have a professional life in both genders at this time. More of my process of transition has turned out happily than unhappily.

I think that is because something beneficial to my well being occurred earlier this year. My intentional community observes a period of abstaining from something pleasurable for a period of time that is not insignificant. This year was the first time I had decided to observe this period and was successful in completing it. I abstained from having the radio on or listen to anything else while I was driving, which is at least an hour and sometimes much more each day. It was an opportunity to be quiet for an extended period of time. It allowed me to be more mindful, in the moment and also to be more contemplative. Soon after I began this practice of discipline I discovered that I actually felt better, calmer and more centered. I felt in balance.

So I began to do this again last week on several occasions and found that once again I felt more serene than I ususally do on my way to and from work.This is what led me to extend this practice to other times in my day. Over the past week again I have come home and kept the media circus turned off. Patty and I talk more and I am feeling very positive about this.

I have been more able to see options as opposed to fighting to find the one right answer to any given situation.

As it is written in the chinese book The Tao Te Ching (The Book of Changes), the softest substance in the world overcomes the hardest; water wears away stone. Adopting a more mindful and more contemplative life is a good way to become more receptive to  more options to choose from. Fighting for that "one right solution" actually can become a barrier to progress.

Another result of seeking quiet and becoming more contemplative is to put away the book project I have been working on in favor of a new idea I had for a different book with a different audience in mind. It seems to be writing itself right now. I think this new project will help transsexuals in transition experience a higher quality of life during a very stressful life stage.

I am also changing my workshop and I think it will be better because I think it will engage more people to try a more contemplative approach not only to their transition, but also to their life in a holistic manner.

I hope to see many of you at the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta near the end of September.

hugs, Sherri

Transphobia: How do you victimize yourself?

When most of us think about transphobia we generally think of the most obvious form such as when we are physically assaulted, denied access to services, harassed, denied employment or educational opportunities. Almost of all of us have experienced this to some degree, myself included.

Then there is the more insidious form, institutionalized transphobia. Institutionalized transphobia happens when you are denied access to a public restroom for example. When you go to the ladies room, you go into a stall with the door closed and sit down. Nobody knows whether you are pre op, post op, non op or intersexed. When confronted, the person who accuses you makes a judgement on your physical appearance on whether you are male or female without regard to your physical sex and your expression of gender identity. This is based on the institution that men use one rest room and women another. I've heard some activists refer to this as "gender apartheid" I for one, don't want to share a restroom with a man, I'm not in favor of unisex bathrooms unless they are SRO's (single room only).
I experienced this one personally once in a major department store and it was very humiliating.

Another example of institutionalized transphobia that I experienced as a result of this episode happened when I was sharing the example with a female friend who is very supportive. She said, "Well what if a mother with her 7 year old daughter had been going in while you were in there? "She might be afraid for the safety of her daughter." My friend didn't recognize that she had internalized a fear based on fear and bigotry; much of society fears us because if we are transgendered, then we must pose a threat as a potential sex offender. Ouch. That really hurt and when I pointed this out to her, she was immediately apologetic. She recognized that her statement was based on a bigoted stereotype that is in fact not true, but that is how deeply ingrained institutional transphobia can be. It was stated without any real thoughtfulness involved.



Overt and institutionalized transphobia can be confronted, but because internalized transphobia has become rooted in our subconscious, it is much more difficult to overcome.

Consider the following statement:

             "If there is no shame in being a woman, why should I be ashamed of wanting to become a woman?"

I think this captures the deepest most damaging aspect of internalized transphobia. It is the guilt and shame we experience for merely being transgendered that is the worst. Of course, this wouldn't have happened without the presence of transphobia or institutionalized transphobia, but the reality for people of a (ahem) a certain age, things were so much worse that we can easily see the changes for the positive and how rapidly things are beginning to get better. Make no mistake, we are still seriously discriminated against and we are not able to go about our lives without being vigilant for our safety in certain places. We do not enjoy the same access to health care as other people do. That has been getting better. Every insurance company I work with as a mental health professional (with exception of my own (COVENTRY, ADMINISTERED BY SOUTHERN HEALTH AND THE MENTAL HEALTH MANAGEMENT GROUP MHNET), cover mental health services and most of them to the best of my knowledge are paying for hormones, blood work, physician visits, and preventive care such as mammography based on what my patients report to me.

I do not fear every moment I am out living my life publicly. I fly, get passed through TSA, rent cars, get hotel rooms, shop, use dressing rooms and have only had one negative restroom experience. I have a church that not only is welcoming but wants me as an active member of their community to meet my spiritual needs. I am able to go to the grocery store, do my banking, get my oil changed and all those little mundane things that make a normal life normal, the things cisgendered people don't think twice about. These are all good things, but the National Center for Transgender Equality and their executive director, Mara Keisling, work tirelessly to advance our civil rights and we owe a lot of gratitude to  NCTE and Mara, as I do, that things are improving. We have a long way to go. The results of their recent survey documenting how far we have to go show how hard life is for many of us and even more so if we are a person of color.

One of the most important things we must do, is examine the ways we handicap ourselves. Do we allow ourselves to live with guilt and shame? Do we tell ourselves that no one will treat us with dignity and respect, so we avoid living our lives publicly and hide away living a lonely life? Do we get involved in service work to the larger community we live in and make a difference, for the good it does us spiritually and to be an example to the community that we are regular people going about our daily business leading normal lives? Do we take risks in going after opportunities presented to us or do we avoid them because we "know" it won't turn out well. We have to challenge all those self defeating thoughts and actions that are based on transphobia. Even when you think you have rid yourself of all of these negative thoughts and actions that are self nullifying, you might just still be hanging on to something that is holding you back.


Just for today, I'd like to challenge you to take some time and look at what transphobic thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself and remove those obstacles from becoming the best you that you can be!