Further Along: Back From My Hiatus

Well here I am again. I've decided that it is time to return to writing on my blog again after an extended absence that came as a result of the Islamic terrorist attack at the gay nightclub in Orlando Florida and subsequent news that there was a hit list of names that ISIS had released. A published map showed that targets were listed in both Charlottesville, VA and Staunton, VA. I happen to live between those places and chose to become less public for a time while things settled down.

I wish I could say they have, but the recent political unrest after the election of Donald Trump and then the Islamic terrorist attack at Ohio State University last week indicates otherwise. Nevertheless, I am finding things that I want to write about and share with all of you.

To catch up.....How I Spent my Summer.......

This year I have spent a lot of time taking stock of what it would take to survive some sort of catastrophe either weather related or man made. I decided to buy long term storage food to last 60 days and I planted my first garden in about 20 years. It was done in raised beds, so I found it easy to care for once the beds were constructed. I'm very glad that I won't have to build more frames this year and then prepare the beds inside the frames. That was really hard work. We had a decent harvest despite a super wet spring followed by a lot of drought. I will need to improve my ability to water the garden this coming year and work out a few other problems, but we were able to can and freeze enough vegetables to get through the winter into next growing season. I'm going to keep the garden the same size next year and focus on improving upon what I have put into place. It was a lot of hard work but in my opinion, well worth the effort.

We made other preparations for difficult times. I bought some camping stove burners and canned fuel so that we could have hot food and a coffee pot to use with it. I put 8 bags of charcoal away for such occasions as well. Hard times call for the little things that boost morale.

Safe heat to keep us warm is still an issue, but I bought chemical warmers that will have to do until we can do something better that will be safe in the house. Long term plans will include a generator and perhaps solar panels for electricity, but in the meantime we have 8 LED lanterns that will provide us enough light. For entertainment we will have books and the radio as well as a battery operated CD player.

We also found that a vacuum sealer by the Foodsaver company will allow us to keep frozen meats and vegetables in top quality for around a year and I would recommend this product highly to anyone for long term frozen food storage.

Some of you may know that I love to play golf and it is a spiritual meditation and discipline for me as well as a source of exercise. I had a bad fall in March and was unable to play until the end of June due to back problems. I was able to enjoy playing most of the rest of the summer until the week before Thanksgiving only missing a week here and there when my back wasn't feeling too good or the weather didn't cooperate.

Work was difficult over the last six months due to the financial hardships my employer (a community hospital) faced due to the negative impact of OBAMACARE. We were threatened with the possibility of our mental health outpatient clinic being closed throughout the summer but were granted a reprieve for the coming year at least and will remain open. Faced with the prospect of having to go back into private practice, I learned that the rate hikes in the health care exchange here in Virginia was going to raise the premium by $400.00 a month which would have made health insurance unaffordable for someone in a solo private practice. It would have cost me $900.00 a month. I would not have made enough money to live on with a premium like that, so I am very thankful that our practice at the hospital was spared for another year. All over I see clinical services being cut back and rationed due to OBAMACARE and I am hopeful that most of its provisions are scrapped with the exception of keeping the ban on exclusion  of preexisting conditions. It is my hope that competition between health insurance companies will no longer be restricted within states and they will open up competition between health insurers nationally. By just that action alone having a nationwide pool of insured people will reduce the cost of premiums for individuals and make insurance more affordable for small businesses to provide that benefit to their employees.

I hope that you, my readers have had a great summer and I look forward to writing more frequently over the coming months.

Further Along: A Summer Evening

White Chocolate Bliss
At Days's Last Light
Ice Constant Comment Tea
Life's Soothing Companion
Quiet Outdoor Sounds
Soothing the Spirit

Time After Time
Across Stand the Three Older Sisters
Having Looked Over Me Since I Was a Child
The Oldest Sister is Gone Now

Each Year They Grow in Grace
Offering the Safety of Constancy
And the Natural Gift of Spirit Love
Simple and Pure

I wrote this about sitting outside on my patio and looking out at the woods and my lake. In early summer my magnolias add to the beauty with their wonderful white huge blossoms and their wonderful fragrance......

Disowned, the Story Continues, Oddly Enough

Surprisingly, I find that my Daughter in Law is apparently aspiring to become my cyber stalker. For someone who made it clear to Patty a little over 24 hours ago that she wants nothing more to do with us, she was on the phone again bright and early at 8 am this morning to continue to harass Patty over what I had published here less than 8 hours before that about her uninvited verbal attack on us.

She told Patty that what I had written was a "pack of lies", but Patty who then read my blog after the phone call found nothing I had written to be untrue.

If I were dead to her and did not exist as she informed Patty yesterday, one would think she would have better things to do with her time than obsess over anything I might write about.

Perhaps it has something to do with her failed attempt to turn Patty's daughter against us. She seemed to have a need to call her to tell her all about this but my stepdaughter's response was that if her mother and I were happy together then it was no concern of hers.
Considering how she attacked my stepdaughter's husband two years ago, calling her was a rather pathetic move on her part. Her behavior is becoming rather laughable! Quite a change for Patty and me in less than 24 hours.

I thank God my prayers to Him asking him to bind her from harming Patty and me have been answered! Once again, it has been proven in a powerful way that God always answers prayer.

Patty and I were discussing these developments this evening after I came home. We began thinking about what she would do if one of her children came to her and told her that they were transsexual. Given that no one asks to be transsexual because of the hatred and disgust people like my daughter in law harbor towards us, we wondered if she would tell them they too were vile, disgusting and perverted as she thinks about me and about Patty whose only transgression is to love me? For my grandchildren's sake, I pray this does not come to pass. It is sad to know that so many transsexual young people are thrown away by their families like garbage. She seems to be someone who is capable of being that way in my opinion.

It also gives me pause to worry that as a health care provider, would her bigoted and hateful attitudes translate into abusive or neglectful care of a transsexual patient if someone like me would be unfortunate enough to be placed under her care. It is highly likely she will encounter a number of patients like me before her career is over and she retires. I know I would be fearful to have someone with her attitudes responsible for my care.

It is both my and Patty's wishes that she do what she said she would do last night; leave us alone and stop bothering us. Enough said.

Further Along....... The Human Resources Meeting

Yesterday I met with the senior managers of Human Resources of my health care system along with my immediate supervisor. I was very surprised that two of the senior executives were present and both assured me that I was a valued employee and that they would unconditionally support my transition at work. I am so pleased that the fear that I had that asking to transition would be the kiss of death of my career there was misplaced. I have been working at my health care system for 11 years and my worst fear, as many of us have, is that I would suddenly become an expendable.

Instead I was told that the organization would do everything possible to make my transition easier and addressed the issue that my health care has not been covered. They will address that with our insurance company so that my health care needs are covered and will look into the coverage of any surgeries that I need to become whole.

Initially, I was to meet with my supervisor and one of the senior management team but both the Director and Assistant Director were both present to convey their support for me. We talked about other concerns and they assured me that they would do everything within their power to ensure that my transition would be smooth and they would make sure that I would be shielded from the small town media, particularly the two local newspapers. Of course, this could be a big story in a rural setting and being a quiet and introverted person, any attention of this kind is something I am keen to avoid.

Two weeks from today, my coworkers will learn of my decision to transition at our January staff meeting. I will not be there, but my supervisor will discuss this with the staff, pass out a letter that I have provided to my coworkers and some pictures to assure them I will have a polished and professional image. I will invite them to come talk with me if they would like and do every thing in my control to make this as easy for them as possible.

I have decided to transfer out all my adolescent patients. I do not wish to complicate their already troubled lives with having to cope with my transition. Some people may criticize my decision and that they should deal with my transition as a normal part of life. I counter that position with the idea that adolescence is hard enough in the best of our lives. Troubled young people should not have to deal with my transition adding to their distress as they cope with their problems and form their own emerging identities.

I anticipate some of my patients leaving my care because they are unable to deal with my transition. I think most of them will be male and most of the women I work with will be able to weather the transition more easily and be accepting, even welcoming. Some men seem to have an innate fear of the feminine and some will not be able to cope with the idea that I have given up male privelege and become a woman.

I think I may lose between 15 to 20 % of my caseload, but with the flood of new referrals we are experiencing, I should be able to make up the deficit in about two to three months, if even that long.

I feel very blessed to have such a supportive employer. Some people who know me will no doubt say "told you so!!" and they are right. Just as importantly, I have the support of Patty, which is my number one concern and I have assured that I can continue to provide the things for her that I bring to our marriage without undue or unnecessary distress to her more than what a gender transition already brings.

Tonight I am a happy woman!

One Big Step For Sherri Lynne, One Small Step Forward For Trans Kind

Mama can drive! Today I went to Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver's license and got my gender marker legally changed from M to F with the appropriate feminine picture.

As usual, I went in a little bit apprehensive, but was greeted with the utmost kindness and courtesy by the woman who handled the administrative changes. She went out of her way to put me at ease and make me comfortable with the process and was quite complimentary to me about what I was doing and my appearance. I appreciated her kindness and once again, I find that the world doesn't necessarily hate us, want to kill us, belittle or embarrass us. I had my picture taken with a big happy smile and was given a temporary permit to show my legal gender marker had been changed. I was also allowed to keep my old Driver's license. I was glad of that because I can put it in my scrapbook with all the other things I've kept about my gender transition.

What's next? The legal name change..... To be continued.............

Okay...... So What's the Plan,. Stan?

Lying in bed the other morning, I didn't want to get up. I had to be at work in an hour and a half. I decided to drag it out until the last minute. I was sleepy and the bed was warm. Then I began to think about how this scenario wasn't going to be happening any more on a work day in the not so far off future. Instead of sleeping in until the last possible minute, I'll be getting up and putting on my makeup, making sure my hair looks pretty and my clothes look professional and ladylike. I'll be picking out my outfit before I go to bed the night before and making sure my hose doesn't have any runs.

I thought about how much I hate to get up in the morning. Then I thought, a bit glumly, "Remember Sherri. You're the one who wanted to be a girl." Yep. I bought the E ticket and I get everything that goes along with it. Other than having to get up earlier and being more organized, I'm glad, though.

I have put my plan to transition at work and I got a lot of compliments from my supervisor on how well thought out it was done.

I would like to share it with you all in the hopes that it might make someone else's life easier if they choose to transition at work. My plan is specific for a health care professional, but I think there are enough common elements to many employment settings that some of you will find some useful ideas to employ in creating their own plan.

DISCLAIMER!!! : The inspiration for my plan is not entirely of my own creative little mind. I've been studying many resources about how to successfully transition at work and it is an amalgamation of what I remember about what I have read as well as what I thought would be appropriate to my own work setting.

Transition plan for Sherri Lynne

Here is a proposed transition plan to facilitate my gender transition at work.  While it is an idealized plan in terms of the time frames, it may be that these objectives are not accomplished as rapidly as desired for all parties involved because two dynamics will shape the process: 

1. The process will be disruptive to the work environment to some degree. With care and consideration for my co workers, helping them to become more comfortable with this process, possible disruption can be minimized or even eliminated in most circumstances.

2. The process will also be disruptive to some of my patients. It is most important to me and the organization that they receive the support and emotional care they require. They need adequate time to make decisions to maintain a therapeutic relationship with me or transfer their care to another professional. 

The target date for transitioning my gender at work is proposed to be at the end of March 2013. 

This can be best accomplished with a planned and intentional response to these needs by me and the organization. In order to accomplish this, a time frame with objectives and dates of completion is proposed to ensure things are taken care of in an orderly and timely manner. It must allow for adjustments to be made as comfortably as possible for all involved parties. 

Prior to meeting with ----------, I contacted the Board of Social Work to inform them of my desire to transition and to seek guidance on how to do this in a manner that satisfies the regulatory duties of the Board of Social Work governing my practice as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. This appears to be uncharted territory for the Board, but I have gotten guidance on making a legal name change so as to not misrepresent my identity in the practice of Social Work. I plan to change my name legally prior to the end of February to reflect a congruent gender identity.

I have been approved to have my gender marker changed legally to female on my driver’s license and the new driver’s license will be obtained by the end of December. It will have an updated photo reflecting my female gender identity. 

The first objective has been accomplished by meeting with ---------- and informing her that I would like to live in my true gender identity at work as I already do in my non work life. 

She will in turn discuss this with Human Resources and whoever else in the Administration having a need to know. 

Upon approval, the second objective will be for me to prepare a letter and some photos to be shared at the staff meeting informing them of my intention as well as welcoming them to talk with me individually about this change. This will help make them more comfortable with me during my transition. It will help identify and resolve any barriers to harmonious work place relationships.  

The target date for this to occur would be at the January 2013 staff meeting. I would not be present for this meeting so that staff may feel comfortable to speak freely and voice their feelings in a supportive environment for them. 

The content of this letter will be pre approved by ---------- and will include several pictures of myself to pass around to familiarize the staff on what they may expect about my appearance in the workplace environment. This would serve the purpose of diminishing apprehension about my transition. 

The third objective (and most important to me personally) would be to make my patients aware of the upcoming transition. This will be more time consuming to complete. My foremost expectation is for the patients to be well served by me and the organization and there be no serious disruptions to the quality of care that my patients receive during this process. 

 I propose writing a letter approved by --------- to be sent to my patients that I have not preselected to be assigned to another treatment provider.  This would serve to simply inform them of my intentions and that I would offer an opportunity to meet with them to answer any questions that would help them in the decision process. I would be willing to offer my own time (two to three hours weekly) to assure that patients feel comfortable in continuing to work with me or have closure with me if they would prefer a different provider. They could ask any reasonable questions about my transition. It would allow them adequate time to decide if they would wish to continue to work with me. 

If ----------------- would like to sit in on any or all of these sessions with patients to monitor the process as my supervisor, that would be welcome. The proposed time frame for this letter to be sent out is in mid January 2013. 

When this process is completed, the actual transition would be tentatively scheduled to be at the end of March 2013. It would be helpful for me to take a week off to allow closure for the staff and me so we will all be ready for my return in my true gender identity.  

It may occur that adjustments to this schedule may be needed to be made to the late March time frame to ensure that my patients’ needs are met. It would not be unanticipated and would be acceptable to me in view of the interest of my patients. The timing for this last step in transitioning at work could be moved to a reasonable date later, if necessary. 

 The fourth objective would help me to be sensitive to the staff after completion of my workplace transition. It has been found to be very helpful in other places of employment if a female staff member would volunteer to act as liaison between staff and the transitioning person for a period of time. Typically, this is worked out between a staff member and the transitioning person. Potential concerns that occur after transition from coworkers or me could be addressed in a manner that facilitates a continuation of smooth work place operations.  

------------ would be identified to approve the person I select as my liaison prior to my asking the person or designate any employee she would not wish to perform in such a function. 

Throughout this process it is assumed that coworkers will have trouble with names and appropriately gendered pronouns on occasion. This is a normal part of the developmental process of a gender transition and is expected. The liaison can be a big support to coworkers to minimize any anxieties about my being easily offended if this were to occur. 

Similarly, if a coworker feels uncomfortable with me, this is a positive way of helping me and the coworker to adjust to different and changing social expectations of me in the work place. It will help create a win- win situation for us all.  I am extremely comfortable in my gender presentation and my identity. I would not want those around me feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me or be uncomfortable in my presence.  

Though I will be differently gendered outwardly than how I have worked here to date, I remain essentially the same person in most ways. I have the same interests and views as I have always had.  

Planning for my transition is more about making others as comfortable as possible with me as much as about my comfort. I value and care for everyone in my work unit. I want to continue to have the quality of relationships with my coworkers that I have enjoyed during my employment here.

 

 

 

Please feel free to borrow freely and tailor it to your needs if it can be helpful to you!

 

 

 

Further Along........ Transitions

Yesterday at about a quarter to five, I sat down with my supervisor and informed her that I am a transsexual and that I wanted to complete my transition, by transitioning at work, the final step of this part of the journey. We had a very heart felt talk and I surely am appreciative of her compassion towards me. My plan is to transition in March, using the time between now and then to do this in an orderly progression to create as little disturbance as possible to my coworkers. We are a very close team of therapists and I will want the opportunity to write them each a letter to tell them about my transition and to welcome them to come to me to ask any questions they might be wondering.

I expect that I will take a week off between my male self and me, so that the idea will be for the staff to have closure with my male relationship and to start anew with someone they already know for the most part.

While I am happy and excited about finally arriving at a place I never thought I would be, I know that this represents a major adjustment for many others unrelated to work as well. Some are both happy and sad at the same time. For them, it is bittersweet.

At the same time I am in the process of my father's final days as he has one to two weeks left here on this etherial plane we call life. I have a sense of peace and acceptance about his coming passing. He has been sick so long now and the last year has been particularly hard on him and all of us as well. This peace, acceptance and strength comes from my faith. God has brought me so far in my life and I have drawn from Him my strenghth.

Yet this is also a painful time for me and at times I am so sad for him, my mother, my wife and myself as well. There are lots of lessons for me and I am doing everything I can to be open to the lessons and grow from them.

Further Along...Thanksgiving 2012

Well, the holiday season begins and I find myself with so many things rapidly changing, some happy, some not so happy at the moment, but I'm feeling and though life is changing rapidly, far more rapidly than I'm used to, I also have a sense of peace that everything is going to be alright.

Since last Friday, so many things have been happening. My supervisor is now aware of my gender identity, though we have not had a chance to talk about my transitioning yet. That will happen next week, unless the events that have followed since interrupt that time line.

My father became gravely ill Friday night/ Saturday morning and my mother is having a difficult time, so I have had to become the primary contact and take the initiative in making some important decisions about his care and honoring his wishes about how he wants to live out the end of his life. I asked for the hospice team to come to assess him for end of life care and with their input we will make some decisions as a family to respect what my father wants and make him comfortable.

Yesterday, my Patty became ill and needed to be hospitalized. The saving grace is they are both in the same hospital where I work and this makes it much easier for me to take care of everyone involved in my family.

I thought I would never be able to handle any of this, yet I have had several talks with my father about his life ending in the future that he initiated and have been able to do this with a calming grace that I would have never expected to possess at this time.

My mother brought up my gender identity for the first time since finding out about me by accident in June. She was quite upset at the time, as was I and it has been something that she has not spoken of since finding out until now. My father’s illness has created a place where she is able to start to talk to me about this, something I have longed for since she found out. No child wants to think their mother or father is ashamed of them.

I heard that the word “Crisis” in Chinese also means “opportunity”. I believe strongly in God and believe that He is putting all kinds of opportunities in my life right now and giving me a strength I didn’t know I had to cope with all these changes that are happening right now.

Yesterday, I sent in the form to Virginia Division of Motor Vehicles to change the gender marker on my driver’s license to Female, and will get that changed next week.  So I was very happy about that. Soon I will have a new picture and the right gender marker on my license!! YAY!!!!!!

This morning another friend who didn’t know about me was told and she was very supportive. I had accidentally outed myself to her and didn’t realize who I was emailing because I was half asleep. I didn’t panic though. I called her up and talked with her. She’s very happy for me and it worked out just as God intended.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year, because it draws me in to a reflective place to remember that I have so much when I know so many who are struggling in many many ways and don’t have the blessings that have been freely granted to me.

I’m thankful for the strength to deal with the illnesses in my family. I’m thankful that I have friends and coworkers who are supportive and I have a therapist who is also supportive of me.

I’m thankful for my church family who love me and care about me and all the other friends over the years who have been my family as much or more than my birth family.

I’m thankful for my good health and that the few health problems I have are relatively small.

I’m especially thankful for a career that has allowed me to help others as I get ready to complete my 40^th year in health and human services. I have had the opportunity to help children, adolescents, adults and the elderly in a wide variety of settings both in hospitals and in the community. I’ve always felt that service to others was my purpose for being here in this life.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to have given homes to so many different kinds of pets who have given me so much love, especially during the times when I felt like no one loved me or cared about me and I was lonely.

I’m very thankful to have had the opportunity to speak to a wide variety of audiences on transsexual issues and have found my talks to always have been well received by the people I’ve talked to and found acceptance where I didn’t expect to find any, and that has always been a joyful experience.

I’m thankful to live in a very beautiful place in the country where I can look up at the mountains that have brought me comfort most of my life.

I’m thankful for having been able to receive an excellent education, something that not everyone has access to, and that I was able to use that education to help others.

 I’m also thankful that I have this forum to reach other people to share my life, to let them know that even though I am a therapist, when it comes to dealing with my own gender issues, the stresses, losses and joys are the same for me just as everyone else and I hope that this blog helps others to navigate their own unique path on finding a place in their own gender identity that brings them peace and happiness.

Further Along.... When Black Friday Comes....

Today turned out a bit better in some respects than what I had anticipated. My boss lady and I have the opportunity to lay it out on the line only two or three times a year. Most of our session was devoted to things previously scheduled to discuss. Some areas of contention that could be resolved that were clinical in nature.

At the end of these lengthy discussions I ventured forward that there was another issue that I wished to discuss. Boss lady indicated she had to be somewhere very shortly and being a Friday evening, I could appreciate that: I wanted to leave work more than anything that day.

I did tell her that I had one thing else that I wanted to discuss but it wasn't something bad. She responded by asking what it was, and I told her that it couldn't be discussed in five minutes. She said that I had her wondering and she would be thinking about it while we were gone over the next week and wondering about what it was. I told her that it wasn't anything bad and she replied now that she would be wondering even more until she returned.

I took that opportunity to tell her it was about a gender issue. She asked me if it was about her gender in a friendly manner and I replied that it was my gender issue. She cheerfully said "Oh ok" and I told her I woud explain when she got back.

My intuition is telling me that she knows and she is trying to make it ok for me.

Interestingly, just before I went in to the meeting, ready to disclose all, one of the front office girls was looking at an Avon catalogue and asked the other girl if she wanted to order some makeup remover. That girl said no and then the girl with the catelogue asked me if I wanted to order some. I a;lso said no. The girl with the catelogue said, I just use soap and water. I said I do too but I used Purity by Philosophy and then used Clinique Even Better Moisturizer with SPF 20. She said, "Yeah thats really good moisturizer. Then I went into my meeting.

I became so much more calm before the meeting until I got in there, but I was able to remain centered. Although I didn't get the whole disclosure done, Boss Lady let me know that what I will be telling her would be ok, by her casual dismissal of what I was about to tell her.

I feel so much more confident and ready to finish what needs to be told and I have a feeling of peace that it will be ok.

Further Along..... Tomorrow is my meeting.

As the time is closer, I am becoming more calm about what will happen tomorrow. This meeting is about more than my informing my boss that I wish to transition at work, but the topics to be discussed lead into this discussion nicely.

I'm reminded of a song that I heard from the soundtrack of Norma Rae and it has stuck with me..... I'd like to share part of it as it is reflective of my state of mind this evening.

I'm quite touched and overwhelmed with all the love and support I have gotten in sharing my preparation for this meeting and I am so very thankful!

Here are part of the lyrics from the song It Goes Like it Goes written by David Shire and Norman Gimble:

Ain't no miracle being born
People doin' it everyday
It ain't no miracle growing up, ah
People just grow that way

So it goes like it goes
Like the river flows
And time it rolls right on
And maybe what's good gets a little bit better
And maybe what's bad gets gone

Love to all of you, Sherri Lynne Tancyus

Further Along....... Standing At the Crossroads

It’s the perfect storm. I couldn't have seen it all playing out like this. Perhaps that is the way that all transitions happen. One can plan it all one wants. Then come events that remove all of your carefully made plans. The situation becomes fluid. Having spent a lot of time planning (or ruminating??) how this was going to be done on my terms have gone out the window. I am left with the bare bones of  what I am going to say. It just wasn’t under the circumstances of my choice and my alternative plan isn’t firmed up. I’ve been working out the details of that.

In one confluence of family, work, marriage and friends, the time to come out has become now. I had planned it for after the first of the year when I got my performance evaluation. That has gone out the window because of a potential reassignment in job duties that I don't wish to do and impacts my practice with individuals and long standing groups, particularly my ability to provide services to transsexual and transgender patients. I have built my trans practice to being one of the largest in Virginia and I have developed more health care services under one “roof” than any other health care system. This allows us to improve the quality of care for all my patients because of the ease of communication and coordination of services. Presently we offer mental health counseling, substance abuse treatment, psychiatric services, aesthetic dermatology, primary care, gynecology, endocrinology and voice therapy.

So it appears Friday will be the day when I sit down with my bosslady and inform her that I am transitioning and wish to do so at work. This will probably take her off guard, but because I am  being forced to perform clinical services in that I have no interest in nor desire to provide, it appears that this would be the time to inform her where things stand with me. I would prefer not to leave where I work because I have a lot of time and effort involved in creating the program we have there, but if not, then I do have a couple of options that appear to be a better alternative than not transitioning.

The other factor that has moved things forward so rapidly have to do with conflict within my wife’s family. Because of that, she and I no longer see a reason to be who I am not in front of them. These events have been very painful and have nothing to do with who I am as they have not become aware. This is also about to change. I have drafted and am polishing a letter to them informing them of what I am doing. Either they accept me for who I am, or I really won’t be bothered too much by not sharing a life with them on any level, as I’ve always felt like an outsider and not especially welcome by a number of them. That isn’t true of all of them though. I think that most of the ones who have made me feel like family will be ok with this, though I can’t be sure.

Having helped people transition over the last 19 years has helped me prepare for this day. It does nothing to help me with the experience of fear and anxiety, whether it is well founded or overly magnified in my mind.

The reason I share this with you at this time is because I am a genuine person and I want you to know that the fear I am experiencing is a normal part of the transitioning process. There comes a time when one has to face their fears over transitioning. Even if you have completed most aspects of the transition, when it comes down to your livelihood and how it affects the ones you live and their financial security, it is going to be terribly anxiety provoking. However, I do know that as in all the other scary things I have faced and losses I have weathered and survived, this too will pass. On the other side, no matter what happens Friday awaits freedom and serenity.

I will be sure to let you know the outcome of Friday’s meeting, though it may take a few days before I will be able to put what happens into words.

I want to thank all of you for the support I have gotten over the years from so many. I am grateful for the love, caring and support I have gotten and I am thankful so many have found what I write to be interesting enough to spend some of your time reading.

Further Along the Long and Winding Road

                                                                                       

 Recently, I have had a few unfortunate personal circumstances and these have been needing my full attention.  As a result, I have not posted as frequently in the last few months. I have two other articles I have been working on for this blog. I also have not been working on a text for clinicians that I am writing. It's about providing care for transgender patients from the perspective of a transsexual who is also a well seasoned psychotherapist.

That is ok, it will get done in the future and it won't disappear. I have too many things happening to worry about things that will take care of themselves. I do have a strong desire to continue these projects.

I spoke to my own therapist today and we mainly spoke about the present unhappy circumstance. That's an external issue. I also have had my desire to speak to my supervisor put on the back burner because of the last three months of what has been going on. Today I had a very unusual conversation with two of my female coworkers who included me as another woman and not as a male. It could not have been as a female teasing a male. It was a simple female to female conversation about a subject of feminine interest. I simply answered honestly and felt quite comfortable.

However, this does seem to make informing my supervisor imperative considering another development. I had a second encounter with another professional in my field who knows my male presentation professionally. I reintroduced myself (for the very first time) as my female true self. It was evident that he recognized me. Turns out he calls my supervisor from time to time as they are friends. I would rather be able to present this information to her first.

In any event, I'm feeling close to being ready and when I feel the time is right I will set up that appointment. I do want to process it a bit with my therapist and have wanted to for about 8 weeks, these things keep getting in the way darn it!

Hopefully I will get a chance to talk to my therapist to fine tune my game plan next week and the nest couple sessions and then go forward with speaking with my supervisor. She is a fair minded person and has always been my best supporter of transgender care at the hospital. I'm very proud of my front office staff coworkers (two of who were having that conversation with me today). They are always especially kind to my transgender patients, NEVER make mistakes with names and NEVER mix up the pronouns. How cool is that?!

In any event, I am close to the tipping point with my employer and feel ready. Just please please please let me get through the external tough things going on, so I can get this accomplished

Updates to the blog....... 12/11/12

In addition to the new post on Transitioning, Stealth and Passing, yesterday and today I have added some new links to transgender conferences that I regularly give workshops at and a link to the Canadian Professional Association of Transgender Health. I've also added to the list of blogs I follow. Fiat Luxe is the blog of the Rector of St. Paul's Memorial Church where I attend. I also added the link to the blog of my friend from Facebook, Katherine Bradford. Its called Crumbs From the Cosmic Muffin Top. Finally I added a book to the list, Sandra Samon's When the Opposite Sex Isn't. I hope that these additions will make your visit to my blog more enjoyable!

I've Added Some Useful Information!

For those of you who want to learn more about the history of Transgender Care, I have added a bibliography at the bottom of the blog. Some of these books are well worth the trouble to seek out even though they are out of print and may be difficult to find, particularly the "foundation" books from the late 1960's through the mid 1980's. This list is not complete and will be updated periodically, so please check back if you are interested for your own edification or you are a serious scholar of the subject. I really hope that you will find this useful!

You will also find a list of blogs that I am following and I encourage you to visit them often as they are updated.

Either by the end of today or tomorrow, I will add some links to some resources that I think you will find informative and helpful.

As always, I am very thankful that you take the time to read my blog!