Today turned out a bit better in some respects than what I had anticipated. My boss lady and I have the opportunity to lay it out on the line only two or three times a year. Most of our session was devoted to things previously scheduled to discuss. Some areas of contention that could be resolved that were clinical in nature.
At the end of these lengthy discussions I ventured forward that there was another issue that I wished to discuss. Boss lady indicated she had to be somewhere very shortly and being a Friday evening, I could appreciate that: I wanted to leave work more than anything that day.
I did tell her that I had one thing else that I wanted to discuss but it wasn't something bad. She responded by asking what it was, and I told her that it couldn't be discussed in five minutes. She said that I had her wondering and she would be thinking about it while we were gone over the next week and wondering about what it was. I told her that it wasn't anything bad and she replied now that she would be wondering even more until she returned.
I took that opportunity to tell her it was about a gender issue. She asked me if it was about her gender in a friendly manner and I replied that it was my gender issue. She cheerfully said "Oh ok" and I told her I woud explain when she got back.
My intuition is telling me that she knows and she is trying to make it ok for me.
Interestingly, just before I went in to the meeting, ready to disclose all, one of the front office girls was looking at an Avon catalogue and asked the other girl if she wanted to order some makeup remover. That girl said no and then the girl with the catelogue asked me if I wanted to order some. I a;lso said no. The girl with the catelogue said, I just use soap and water. I said I do too but I used Purity by Philosophy and then used Clinique Even Better Moisturizer with SPF 20. She said, "Yeah thats really good moisturizer. Then I went into my meeting.
I became so much more calm before the meeting until I got in there, but I was able to remain centered. Although I didn't get the whole disclosure done, Boss Lady let me know that what I will be telling her would be ok, by her casual dismissal of what I was about to tell her.
I feel so much more confident and ready to finish what needs to be told and I have a feeling of peace that it will be ok.