Well, the holiday season begins and I find myself
with so many things rapidly changing, some happy, some not so happy at the
moment, but I'm feeling and though life is changing rapidly, far more rapidly
than I'm used to, I also have a sense of peace that everything is going to be
alright.
Since last Friday, so many things have been
happening. My supervisor is now aware of my gender identity, though we have not
had a chance to talk about my transitioning yet. That will happen next week,
unless the events that have followed since interrupt that time line.
My father became gravely ill Friday night/ Saturday
morning and my mother is having a difficult time, so I have had to become the
primary contact and take the initiative in making some important decisions
about his care and honoring his wishes about how he wants to live out the end
of his life. I asked for the hospice team to come to assess him for end of life
care and with their input we will make some decisions as a family to respect
what my father wants and make him comfortable.
Yesterday, my Patty became ill and needed to be
hospitalized. The saving grace is they are both in the same hospital where I
work and this makes it much easier for me to take care of everyone involved in
my family.
I thought I would never be able to handle any of
this, yet I have had several talks with my father about his life ending in the
future that he initiated and have been able to do this with a calming grace
that I would have never expected to possess at this time.
My mother brought up my gender identity for the
first time since finding out about me by accident in June. She was quite upset
at the time, as was I and it has been something that she has not spoken of
since finding out until now. My father’s illness has created a place where she
is able to start to talk to me about this, something I have longed for since
she found out. No child wants to think their mother or father is ashamed of
them.
I heard that the word “Crisis” in Chinese also means
“opportunity”. I believe strongly in God and believe that He is putting all
kinds of opportunities in my life right now and giving me a strength I didn’t
know I had to cope with all these changes that are happening right now.
Yesterday, I sent in the form to Virginia Division
of Motor Vehicles to change the gender marker on my driver’s license to Female,
and will get that changed next week. So
I was very happy about that. Soon I will have a new picture and the right
gender marker on my license!! YAY!!!!!!
This morning another friend who didn’t know about me
was told and she was very supportive. I had accidentally outed myself to her
and didn’t realize who I was emailing because I was half asleep. I didn’t panic
though. I called her up and talked with her. She’s very happy for me and it
worked out just as God intended.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year,
because it draws me in to a reflective place to remember that I have so much when
I know so many who are struggling in many many ways and don’t have the
blessings that have been freely granted to me.
I’m thankful for the strength to deal with the
illnesses in my family. I’m thankful that I have friends and coworkers who are
supportive and I have a therapist who is also supportive of me.
I’m thankful for my church family who love me and
care about me and all the other friends over the years who have been my family
as much or more than my birth family.
I’m thankful for my good health and that the few
health problems I have are relatively small.
I’m especially thankful for a career that has
allowed me to help others as I get ready to complete my 40th year in
health and human services. I have had the opportunity to help children,
adolescents, adults and the elderly in a wide variety of settings both in
hospitals and in the community. I’ve always felt that service to others was my
purpose for being here in this life.
I’m thankful for the opportunity to have given homes
to so many different kinds of pets who have given me so much love, especially
during the times when I felt like no one loved me or cared about me and I was
lonely.
I’m very thankful to have had the opportunity to
speak to a wide variety of audiences on transsexual issues and have found my talks
to always have been well received by the people I’ve talked to and found
acceptance where I didn’t expect to find any, and that has always been a joyful
experience.
I’m thankful to live in a very beautiful place in
the country where I can look up at the mountains that have brought me comfort
most of my life.
I’m thankful for having been able to receive an
excellent education, something that not everyone has access to, and that I was
able to use that education to help others.
I’m also
thankful that I have this forum to reach other people to share my life, to let
them know that even though I am a therapist, when it comes to dealing with my
own gender issues, the stresses, losses and joys are the same for me just as
everyone else and I hope that this blog helps others to navigate their own
unique path on finding a place in their own gender identity that brings them
peace and happiness.
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