What we strive for is to live in balance in our life, but we don't always have control over the emotional upsets we endure, especially when they are unexpected.
Now I have returned to balance and I feel as I am back to my ususal self, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have not accomplished this on my own, as none of us live in a vacuum. I have had tremendous support from Patty, from my friends in our community, and from the intentional community from which I have been accepted and drawn strength.
I awoke a week before today in a sense of peace that I have not had since my mother's discovery of
who I am. Several events have contributed to this since I last shared with everyone what has been happening. Most important was Patty's talks with my Mom, the phone conversation my mama and I had when I was at work feeling my lowest, and finally just visiting with mama and dad. Even though they aren't ready to see me and talk to me, as I am, I do know it is a process and it takes time. I'm confident it will only get better with them.
It's time to take a while and reflect on what has been gained in this process and how to accomplish the last part of my pre GRS journey; to plan for my transition at work. Somehow, I can't believe it could be more stressful than my parent's accidental discovery of me, but then again, I've lived long enough to "never say never".
But I know to trust the process, that my own fear is my greatest impediment and let this last event to unfold and it will be ok......
i soo love your positive and uplifting attitude. You have such a beautiful attitude and soo much courage. Your blogs touch the heart of the reader because of your sincerity.
ReplyDeleteMay the week ahead be filled with much love and kindness for you.
Sherri...I am curious...did you present yourself as Sherri when you met with your Mom and Dad?
ReplyDeleteTraci
Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteMy dear sister,
ReplyDeleteThis post title immediatley sent my mind back to a Moody Blue's albumn made in 1970, "A Question of Balance", which really was the groups questioning of strife in general, but the war in Vietnam in particular.
How do we balance work with recreation, spirituality with practicality, activity with quiet repose?
Adjustments. Returning to balance requires shifts that are not too radical but sufficient for the needed correction. We have been practicing this art all our lives, now for us it has been a venue of our journey which most have no clue exists: gender incongruency. I like Andreaqtown's similie that transitioning is like having been walking all your life wearing shoes on the wrong feet. Once one discovers the shoes were wrong and fix the problem eveything seems right, dare I say we are balanced?
There is a beauty in letting go of control, it accelerates our arrival to our destiny. Sometimes, in your case, the control was snatched away and the sudden violence leaves us reeling.
The beauty of surrender is a female trait which we learn best suits our gender, physiology and character. What we discover is surrendering places us in another's power which is most beneficial because we never had much power anyway. I heard a preacher once state, "life is not about finding liberty, but finding one's master and surrending to that master's will."
Hugs
I've got some socks that say "New Balance" across the toes . . . I still can't balance worth a darn, though I practice - like the Karate Kid on top of the post. Maybe I will try the pose in your second illustration. Hope I don't get hurt too bad!
ReplyDeleteI like what Marsha said. The more we try to be in control, the more out of control we seem to get. It's only when we can turn control over to our Master, and seek His will that we can find true liberty.
I'm not so sure it is a womanly trait though. The "Jesus take the wheel" thing don't make it with me. The key is seek what to do and then take the helm and do it. This is the case in marital submission too. Even when submitting to the leadership of her husband, the task must be done. To just throw up your hands and say, que sera sera, is not in the spirit of submission.
Anyway, keep your hand on the wheel, seek wisdom and guidance, turn when you must, then stay the course. I see you doing that.
Hugs