Whose Rights Matter Here?

I saw two news reports today involving two transwomen. In one case the question is raised about the rights of the individual vs. the rights of society, in this case, the rights of other teenage girls to be afforded a dressing room without a preoperative teenage transsexual girl sharing the locker room with them. The other case involves the rights of an adult transsexual woman to complete her transition by having gender reassignment surgery vs. her parents' desire to block her from having the surgery. In that case, a Pennsylvania judge has issued a stay preventing the woman from having her surgery until the case can be heard.

Because the transsexual girl is a minor, I have chosen to delete her name from the news report by the CBS news affiliate who did publish her name. I don't think publishing her name is the proper thing to do.

In the first case, the CBS affiliate in St. Louis, Missouri reports: " Over 150 Missouri high school students voiced their displeasure about a transgender teen using the girls’ locker room by walking out of class.

Students at Hillsboro High School staged a two-hour walkout Monday over 17-year-old  (the student), a student who has identified as a female since she was 13, using the girls’ locker room during gym class.

The school offered (the student) a gender-neutral bathroom, which she turned down. St. Louis attorney Timm Schowalter says, “All students have a right, under Title 9, to access the bathroom of their choice.”

Family members of high school students were also holding a protest.

“Boys need to have their own locker room. Girls need to have their own locker room, and if somebody has mixed feelings where they are, they need to have their own also,” protester Jeff Childs told KMOV. Childs was holding a “Girls Rights Matter” sign.

Tammy Sorden, whose son goes to Hillsboro High School, believes it’s not right to give (the student) special treatment “while the girls just have to suck it up.”

“The girls have rights, and they shouldn’t have to share a bathroom with a boy,” she told the Post-Dispatch."

As a preoperative transsexual myself, I find myself agreeing with the female students of the high school. I don't think they should have to share a locker room with a preoperative transsexual. That is an environment in which there is not the privacy afforded in a regular women's bathroom. This is an environment in which women are fully disrobed in front of each other and I do think it is important to be sensitive to their feelings about this situation. Personally, at this point in my own transition I think it would be terribly disrespectful to subject genetic women and postoperative transsexual women to my presence in the locker room. In the news report or in the protests by the high school students, I do not see any mention of the girls objecting to this preoperative transsexual girl sharing the regular restrooms. This indicates to me that this particular school's students and faculty are rather tolerant of the transsexual students presence in another intimate place, albeit not as intimate as a locker room. To me the transsexual student is being insensitive to the feelings of the very people she is trying to assimilate with. This is not the way to go about it, in my opinion.

In the second case, I will include the name of the transsexual woman because she is an adult.

The Associated Press reports " A transgender woman whose parents went to court Wednesday to block her gender-reassignment surgery in Pennsylvania said she would rather die on the operating table than continue living with male anatomy.

Christine Kitzler, 48, said during a break in the emergency hearing that the risk factors her father raised - including complications from her HIV and Hepatitis C diagnoses - were worth enduring to have her body match the gender she's identified with since growing up in suburban Cleveland, Ohio.

The surgery, temporarily halted earlier this week by a suburban Philadelphia judge as he considers a longer stay, would also save her from backsliding into alcohol and drug addiction, Kitzler said.

Her parents, Klaus and Ingrid Kitzler, contend Kitzler is not competent to make an informed decision to have the surgery because of depression and a childhood learning disorder, and want a temporary guardian named.

"I might die from this. But it's worth dying," Kitzler said. "I would rather die than live the way I was and return to my bad addictions, like alcohol, because I can't do it and I won't do it."

Kitzler's surgery had been scheduled for Tuesday in Pennsylvania, but Bucks County Judge C. Theodore Fritsch Jr. stopped it after her parents' lawyers filed for an injunction and asked for time for reflection before she goes through with what they called an irreversible surgery.

Testifying at the hearing, Klaus Kitzler underscored his concern for his daughter's health. He said he would accept her surgery if an independent psychiatrist deemed her fit to make the decision.

"I accept it, but I want to stop it," Kitzler told the judge. "I would love to have a son back who goes to church with us on Sunday mornings."

Christine Kitzler, who lives in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, has already been through 16 months of pre-operative preparation, including a 24-hour fast before Tuesday's scheduled surgery, and has received clearances from mental health professionals that she is knowingly and willingly undergoing gender reassignment, her doctor said.

Her lawyer, Angela Giampolo, said she had never seen competency invoked to block a gender-reassignment surgery.

"This isn't a competency hearing. This isn't a guardianship hearing. It's a difference of opinion," the prominent Philadelphia gay-and-transgender-rights lawyer said.

Giampolo said Kitzler's parents are trying to prevent her from living an authentic life. They said they fear Klaus and Ingrid Kitzler want to bring her back to Ohio, win a court action there and permanently block the surgery.

"They have a daughter. They don't have a son," Kitzler said. "I'll have the parts. I am a woman." "

Ms. Kitzler is an adult and she has made a carefully informed decision that having gender reassignment surgery is necessary for her to have a quality of life that makes life itself worth living.

In my opinion, the arguments that she has suffered from depression, has a history of addiction and has a learning disorder are all specious arguments. And here is one reason why the WPATH standards of care exist. 

Let's take this point by point: 1. Ms. Kitzler is an adult and as an adult it is her right to pursue gender reassignment. 2. Show me a person who is transsexual and never suffered from depression to one degree or another. I don't believe there are enough of individuals who have not been depressed in people who are transsexual to be considered statistically significant. 2. Transsexual individuals experience higher rates of addiction and substance abuse than the general population. 3. Having a learning disability in no way impacts the decision to make a gender transition. 4. Having HIV and Hepatitis C infections does not necessarily preclude one from having surgical procedures. 5. None of the above factors generally diminish legal competency.

Because of the guidance of WPATH standards of care, Ms. Kitzler was screened by mental health professionals and found that her mental health and substance abuse issues at this time are not a barrier to treatment and that she is making a well informed and competent decision to pursue gender reassignment surgery. Her physicians have assessed her and found her to be a good surgical risk and are willing to perform the procedure. This should be the end of the story, but it isn't. Her father's sole reason for seeking the court's intervention is that " I just want to have a son who goes to church with us on Sunday mornings." 

If the truth be told, he never had a son, though I do believe he didn't know that for many years. Transsexuals become skilled at living a life and acting out a life that is not authentic. Wouldn't if be more loving and affirming if her father had said, "I'll be looking forward to having my daughter to go to church with us on Sunday morning." 

When this sad episode is over, I'm guessing he will neither have a son or a daughter. My guess is that Ms. Kitzler will never wish to speak to her parents again, or at least for so long a period of time that there will not be much time left in life for them to share. Really, how sad is that? What a terrible thing to happen.

A Poor Role Model: Transsexual Reporter Assaults Fellow Journalist

One of the things I think is important for people who are transgender and choose to be public about their gender identity is that they do their best to present a positive image of transgender people in public. What one does in their private life is generally of no interest to me unless they are seriously violating the rights and the safety of others.

I was very disappointed to see news reports that this past week on a Headline News Network episode of Dr. Drew. Breitbart news journalist Ben Shapiro and Zoey Tur, a reporter for the television show Inside Edition, who is public about her gender identity, were debating whether Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Bruce Jenner Olympic Decathlon Gold Medalist, deserved to be given the honor of being awarded the Arthur Ashe Courage Award.  This award is given to sports figures who exemplify courage off the playing field by ESPN sports network.

While it is evident that Mr. Shapiro is uninformed about the condition of Gender Dysphoria (formerly called Gender Identity Disorder), some comments he made towards Ms. Tur were extremely insulting and demeaning (He called her "Sir"). Her retaliatory behavior by grabbing him by the neck on television and threatening to "send him home in an ambulance" was grossly inappropriate and by putting her hands on him, she committed an assault and battery upon his person. Anyone who touches someone else without their permission meets the criminal definition of assault and battery.

Ms. Tur's bad behavior did not end live on television. She further threatened him saying "I'll see you in the parking lot" and several days later tweeting that she would like to "curbstomp" him.

Not only did Ms. Tur represent herself and others who are transgender poorly in a very negative light, she generated some significant negative attention to the transgender community as a whole by her impulsive and thoughtless behavior. She squandered an important opportunity to distinguish herself from someone who is ignorant and bigoted towards others who suffer from gender dysphoria. Mainstream society will not remember his comments, but they will remember Ms. Tur's comments and behavior.

The vast majority of people are not transgender, nor to their knowledge have they ever met someone who identifies as transgender. There just aren't that many of us. Most of us who experience gender dysphoria are rather secretive about it, fearing negative reactions from others. Ms. Tur certainly didn't help the community join and be accepted into mainstream life by her actions. My opinion is that she failed us all badly whether one is transgender or not. No one should carry on and act the way she did in response to verbal comments, no matter how distasteful the recipient of such remarks find them. There are better ways to handle bigots and transphobic people.

For those who do know about my former life as a male, I want to be a positive role model for other transgender people. I want to be seen as someone who is more like anyone else in our culture than different. I want to be seen as making a positive contribution than being seen for my differences and negative actions. Yes, it is an added burden, a consequence of having had a transgender identity, but it really isn't one that is so difficult to carry.

What do you think?

Women I Admire: Beatrix Potter Revisited

This evening I had the pleasure to watch a movie that I had wanted to see several years ago when it was in theaters, but for some reason did not get to see. The movie, entitled Miss Potter starred Rene'e Zellweger as Beatrix Potter and was released in 2006.

I have had the pleasure of reading every biography about Miss Potter that I could find in the public library after rediscovering her wonderful artwork and her beautifully innocent and entertaining children's stories as an adult. I remembered how much I loved Peter Rabbit as a child and at that time in my adult life I had also found a place where a very large rabbit warren was. I spent countless summer evenings watching the rabbits come out and interact with each other. That contented time led me to rediscover Miss Potter's stories and artwork.

While I have always preferred the written word to movies made from novels and historical works in print, I do have to say that the movie Miss Potter did represent much of her life story accurately and in ways that moved my spirit and I am glad that I have finally had the opportunity to see this movie.

The film was exceptionally done in a way that accurately captured the life of an extraordinary upper class woman who grew up in Victorian England. It was a time when women of her social class and stature were expected to marry and stay at home to manage a household staffed by servants and have children. In Victorian times, upper class children had limited interaction with their parents and were mainly raised by the household servants and they were educated at home. It must have been such a lonely life for a small child.

Miss Potter, who remained single into her thirties did not expect to marry and was content with her water color paintings and writing children's stories based on all the pets that she had.

The movie does not include this in its story, but as a young woman, her paintings of plants and fungi were so detailed and accurate that they were of the quality to be included in professional journals and texts. They were so accurate that she applied for membership in the Royal Botanical Society. Her membership application was rejected however, not because the quality of her work was not to their standard, but she was disqualified for membership because women were not accepted as members.

What was a tragic dismissal of a unique talent resulted in her turning to using her drawings of her pets to illustrate her brilliant children's stories. They were quite successful and she became an independently wealthy woman. The movie leaves the impression that she ended up being much more wealthy than her parents who were very well off.

Miss Potter's life continued to be plagued by tragedy. She fell in love with the son of her creative works publisher, Norman Warne. They were engaged, a promise of marriage that her parents, particularly her mother objected to as her fiance was considered to be of a lower social class. After their engagement, he fell ill with a respiratory illness and died just prior to their intended marriage date.

Miss Potter though, overcame this terribly sad experience and used her worth to begin buying land in the Lake District of England. This is a place that I have always wanted to visit as I learned of it in college while studying the Romantic Poets.

Miss Potter was able to amass large holdings of land in the Lake District and left them to the National Trust to be preserved for their beauty. She also became known for breeding Herdwick sheep and was elected to the association of sheep farmers and breeders.

Miss Potter's personal life did have a happy ending after all the emotional pain she suffered through her younger years. She later married an attorney, William Heelis and they had many happy years together.

The first article on my blog I wrote on Beatrix Potter can be found at:

http://twoworldstranstherapist.blogspot.com/2012/09/women-that-i-admire-beatrix-potter.html

For a much more comprehensive account of her life, please visit the Wikipedia article at this link:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beatrix_Potter

An Essay on the Transgender Healthcare Experience

Today I would like to share an essay that I wrote for a contest for the University of Virginia health care system. Unfortunately, I missed the deadline to submit my essay, but I think that my readers would like to read about my experience interacting with health care in the United States during and after my transition. Here is what I wrote about my experiences:


 Identity seems like such a simple thing, but it can be anything but that. Identity can be as simple as seeing a beautiful bird and thinking, “Oh! There is an indigo bunting!” or seeing a piece of crystallized rock and saying to a friend, “That’s quartz.” Sometimes identity is not so simple; does this fish have 17 dorsal spines in its fin or are there only 16? It can make a difference in what species of fish you are identifying.

Identity in the health care system is something that we hold to be so important that a whole canon of law on how to go about correctly identifying a person, about protecting that person’s identity as well as her identifying health care information has emerged.

What happens when someone whose true identity has been hidden for many years, perhaps almost all of one’s life suddenly becomes known to the health care system? This is the situation a transsexual finds herself in when she makes the decision to live an outwardly authentic life that reflects her true identity. It is also the situation health care systems find themselves in when the patient who has always been identified as male becomes a woman outwardly and legally, matching her experience of her internal identity with her outward appearance and her day to day social life.

When a person such as myself transitions and begins to live authentically in public after many years of maintaining a false pretense, it is not necessarily easy, especially at first. However it becomes natural after a relatively short period of time. I have always known who I was, the difficulty was in shedding the layers of armor built to protect anyone else from knowing who I was. It didn't take very long at all though to feel as natural and comfortable as any other woman in my daily life.

Fortunately, I was able to recognize that while my very public transition was voluntary for me, it was not voluntary for my coworkers and patients as well as my loved ones. Those who have remained in my life, thankfully almost everyone who involuntarily transitioned with me did so with fairly little difficulty and successfully made the transition with me.

Yes, mistakes were made along the way. What I found to be most helpful in facilitating my transition for these people was to grant them grace and not get upset when mistakes were made by using my old name or using the wrong pronoun in referring to me. Being mindful of the involuntary nature of their position was a way for me to extend good will and gratitude for finding acceptance and understanding with my transition.  They were getting a more open and authentic person to work with. Who wants to work with someone who has to live a lie? I wouldn't and I would feel sad for that person and would want them to be who they are and be all they can be. It’s why I do what I do for a living.

Working in health care as well as being a recipient of health care has been an interesting experience in becoming public with my identity. For most of my life a change of public gender identity, was just not done. Health Care, just as the rest of society, is slow to react to the truth that not as rarely as we once thought, poorly understood biopsychosocial factors create a split between gender identity and a  body habitus that does not match one's gender identity. My experiences have ranged from inconvenient to mildly embarrassing to being subjected to flat out discrimination by Health Care. Mostly my experiences were those of being inconvenienced and on one occasion it was rather embarrassing. On that occasion I was pretty sick with the flu which only added to my misery at the the moment.

Because I work in healthcare, I also transitioned on the business side of the organization and I can only say wonderful things about my supervisor and Human Resources. The transition happened with very little fanfare which is how I hoped it would be. I am very thankful to my employer.

Getting the health care system to identify me correctly was not as easy as managing the rest of my legal identity. It was a pretty simple process to get the world to legally say that Lauren Tancyus is a female. Legal name change: file the court form that I filled out myself and pay a fee. Driver’s license: one form to be signed by a health care professional to change my gender to female on my license and one form to get my legal name on my license along with a small fee. The court notified vital statistics in the state I was born and my new birth certificate (unfortunately with the WRONG gender due to that state’s laws) was sent to me with my new legal name. I went to Social Security and filled out the form to have my name changed. I notified the Board of Social Work and they changed my name and gender on my Social Work license for free. All in all it was fairly simple with no frustrations along the way to become legally identified as who I am.

Now getting the health care system to recognize me as female and my legal name change was not as smooth and seamless as getting my legal identity changed. I knew that my medical information needed to reflect who I am. I coordinated with my wonderful office manager Carmen to change my identity in the system with permission from our Health Information Management department. I provided the needed legal documentation which was entered into the system. All seemed right with the world!

About 5 months later, I went to one of my health care system’s prompt care outpatient offices on a weekend. Imagine my surprise when I registered with my legal female identification and my health insurance card reflecting my correct identity, only to be called back by my male name by the health care professional who would treat me. It was extremely embarrassing to me. Much worse was when I got to the pharmacy and found the prescriptions in my male name even after I explained to the treating physician that my legal identity was now female. I did not have any old identification with me and felt too sick to go home and come back. My only option was to out myself to the pharmacy staff, personal and private information they did not need to know to perform filling these prescriptions, if only Health Information Management had performed this task correctly when I gave them my new legal identity information.

  Fortunately, they were wonderfully kind and under the circumstances quite merciful to me in not insisting I go home to get the old identification in order to fill my prescriptions. They also made no issue of my gender transition. That at least, was a very positive experience during that unhappy episode of my health care.

I contacted Health Information Management about this experience and told them how embarrassed I was on top of being pretty sick at the time. They investigated the complaint and found that while some things had been changed to reflect my gender and name change, others had not which resulted in my unpleasant experience. I was assured that policy and procedure would be updated so that this did not happen again to someone else. I was also given a very sincere apology from the director of medical records. As far as I’m concerned, in correcting this problem, health care worked well and I consider my grievance with the health care system resolved. I think that this reflects my attitude in that for Health Care, my transition was involuntary for them while it was voluntary for me. Health Care can be behind the curve in this area, but I do see an effort being made to change these problems and get up to speed.I'm glad that my experience will pave the way to make life easier for someone else in the future.

In all of Health Care, there is only one area that the transsexual interacts with that fails most of us catastrophically. It is within the domain of Health Care Insurance, or for me at least with my health insurance to be subject to bigotry and discrimination and that is the failure to cover my health care expenses related to the treatment of my gender dysphoria. Not a dime of my treatment was or is eligible to be covered by the insurance coverage I have through my employment in Health Care. Even though my condition is medically recognized and the treatments I have had are considered medically necessary, I am left with no avenue to become whole. I am blessed however that I was able to personally pay for most of the medical care that I need. There are so many more like me without the resources even to do that. Imagine how they must suffer! I can certainly say that my quality of life would be so much better even as improved as it has become. To deny my healthcare insurance coverage for transgender health care is unconscionable. It puts medical care out of reach for some of my most important health care needs.

The message received is that as far as my healthcare insurance company is concerned, my identity is not a valid identity. It is a very stigmatizing message from my insurance company, in my opinion.

In terms of providing quality health care for transgender people, I would give my health care organization pretty high marks. I have one of the largest mental health practices in Virginia serving transgender patients and generally see 5 or 6 individuals a week. I have been able to successfully coordinate other health care services for transgender people to be provided by our organization. We offer speech therapy, endocrinology, aesthetic dermatology, psychiatry and gynecologic services all leading to referral for gender reassignment surgery and we provide the necessary services for after care post gender reassignment surgery. We offer every needed service except for gender reassignment surgery itself all in one system. I see this as tremendous progress for people whose identity changes in the health care system and I am very proud of that accomplishment for Health Care.

Transgender Care For Professionals: An Educational Resource

Over the many years of my professional work with transgender people, I began giving a number of workshops all over the eastern United States. While working on my public presentations, I developed over the course of a number of years a power point slide show to consolidate what I have learned over my lifetime about transsexualism.

As I progress in my personal journey, I foresee a time when I will no longer practice with transgender patients or any patients for that matter. I have worked almost exclusively in the human service professions in a volunteer or paid capacity since I was 15 years old. There once was a time when I could never imagine not being a therapist, but now I look forward to other pursuits in about 9 years when I retire.

I do feel a weight of being the only gender therapist in quite a fair distance and worry about those who come along after I am gone seeking to become congruent in mind and body who will have more difficulty in their journey if they can't find a competent therapist.

To that end I offer what I consider one of my best academic works, which I share with some humility in the hope that it will help other mental health practitioners become competent and comfortable with practicing in this interesting area.

Here is a link to access my powerpoint and I hope that it is helpful to you in whatever capacity that you can benefit from it. In this body of my work, you will learn about the presence of transgendered people since ancient times, developmental psychology, co-occurring mental health and substance disorders, as well as goals of treatment and a section on the ethical care of transgender patients. I present information on the historical approach to the treatment of transgender people by health care professionals and review the current World Professional Association of Transgender Health Standards of Care. As always, my powerpoint is a living, breathing document and from time to time it will be updated as I expand my knowledge, skills and abilities to provide cutting edge treatment for transgender people.

 Please do remember when sharing that this is my own original research and please respect my copyright.

Lauren Tancyus LCSW

Diplomate in Clinical Social Work

PLEASE NOTE: In order to open the powerpoint to view, first open a new browser window. Second copy the link below and third paste it in the new browser window address bar. Click enter and you will be taken to my powerpoint which you can then view.

https://www.slideshare.net/secret/AxOqzKXRuLlIty

Further Along....... using the Myers- Briggs Inventory

Since my early thirties, I have been interested in the Myers-Briggs Type Indictor. This is a personality assessment tool that has been established to be an accurate representation of a personality in a way that is helpful and non pathologizing. It has a high level of validity and reliability (for all you psychometric aficionados). It's theoretical foundation is in Jungian psychology. The assessment tool measures personality across 4 dimensions: Introversion vs Extroversion; Intuitive vs Sensing; Thinking vs Feeling and Judging vs Feeling. This yields 16 personality types as described below:

ISTJ

Quiet, serious, earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Practical, matter-of-fact, realistic, and responsible. Decide logically what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of distractions. Take pleasure in making everything orderly and organized - their work, their home, their life. Value traditions and loyalty.

ISFJ

Quiet, friendly, responsible, and conscientious. Committed and steady in meeting their obligations. Thorough, painstaking, and accurate. Loyal, considerate, notice and remember specifics about people who are important to them, concerned with how others feel. Strive to create an orderly and harmonious environment at work and at home.

INFJ

Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.

INTJ

Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance - for themselves and others.

ISTP

Tolerant and flexible, quiet observers until a problem appears, then act quickly to find workable solutions. Analyze what makes things work and readily get through large amounts of data to isolate the core of practical problems. Interested in cause and effect, organize facts using logical principles, value efficiency.

ISFP

Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind. Enjoy the present moment, what's going on around them. Like to have their own space and to work within their own time frame. Loyal and committed to their values and to people who are important to them. Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not force their opinions or values on others.

INFP

Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.

INTP

Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical.

ESTP

Flexible and tolerant, they take a pragmatic approach focused on immediate results. Theories and conceptual explanations bore them - they want to act energetically to solve the problem. Focus on the here-and-now, spontaneous, enjoy each moment that they can be active with others. Enjoy material comforts and style. Learn best through doing.

ESFP

Outgoing, friendly, and accepting. Exuberant lovers of life, people, and material comforts. Enjoy working with others to make things happen. Bring common sense and a realistic approach to their work, and make work fun. Flexible and spontaneous, adapt readily to new people and environments. Learn best by trying a new skill with other people.

ENFP

Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. See life as full of possibilities. Make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns they see. Want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise and their verbal fluency.

ENTP

Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same way, apt to turn to one new interest after another.

ESTJ

Practical, realistic, matter-of-fact. Decisive, quickly move to implement decisions. Organize projects and people to get things done, focus on getting results in the most efficient way possible. Take care of routine details. Have a clear set of logical standards, systematically follow them and want others to also. Forceful in implementing their plans.

ESFJ

Warmhearted, conscientious, and cooperative. Want harmony in their environment, work with determination to establish it. Like to work with others to complete tasks accurately and on time. Loyal, follow through even in small matters. Notice what others need in their day-by-day lives and try to provide it. Want to be appreciated for who they are and for what they contribute.

ENFJ

Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

ENTJ

Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily. Quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies, develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems. Enjoy long-term planning and goal setting. Usually well informed, well read, enjoy expanding their knowledge and passing it on to others. Forceful in presenting their ideas.

Excerpted from Introduction to Type® by Isabel Briggs Myers published by CPP.

Over the years, I have taken the test over and over and was impressed with the stability of the results. My profile was almost always ISTP. Once in a great while I would test out as as INTP because the sensing vs. intuitive aspects of my personality are fairly well balanced, but overall most often I would have a profile of ISTP.

Imagine how surprised I was to take this test again for the gazillionth time only to find a major shift in my personality type! I tested out as an INFJ. What could account for such a significant (in my opinion anyway) shift? I'm wondering if it may be due to being on a feminizing hormone regimen and after so many years that it contributed to a shift in my personality. The other thing I might attribute it to is being more comfortable in all aspects of my life since my transition to living as a woman in my true identity which gave my true personality the chance to shine through. I don't know but I would love to hear the thoughts of my readers about this.

19 Kids and Counting: The Duggar Family

I happened to be watching television last week and saw a two part news report about the Duggar Family.  I had vaguely heard of them from their television reality show 19 Kids and Counting. I really  didn't know much about them except they were Christians with a huge family. I've never seen the show and really had no interest in them one way or the other until now.

It seems that prior to the beginning of their television series there had been a terribly sad situation where their then 15 year old son molested several of his younger sisters and a babysitter who was also younger than him. He apparently confessed to this of his own volition and was sent away to get some form of help for this. The family managed to move on from this tragedy and have become a sort of cultural icon to those who espouse conservative Christian values. It is unclear to me if their son was sent away for residential treatment specializing in the treatment of sex offenders or whether he was sent to some residential Christian counseling program. There are huge differences in these treatment modalities.

There are two things that bother me about this situation and I want to share my views on those two things. The first thing is that sealed records regarding minors that should have never been opened were exposed by the press who identified the victims of the Duggar’s son publicly. That never should have happened and retraumatized for the victims, perhaps in a manner far worse than the original trauma of being molested by a family member. This should have never happened. That act was unconscionable.

We also know that Mr. and Mrs. Duggar are extremely bigoted people.  Mrs. Duggar has publicly referred to transgender people as pedophiles. She believes that people such as myself transition in order to prey upon children and she tried to help support a bill before the Arkansas state legislature to ban people who have transitioned from using the appropriate public bathroom facilities because she believes that people like me transition so that we can prey upon children in the women's bathroom. She expressed  this unbelievably ignorant  and damaging opinion by campaigning publicly in an automated phone call to voters of Arkansas. 

The truth of the matter is that transgender people are at an exponentially higher risk of being sexually assaulted or other wise being victimized by violent crimes committed by cisgender people than transgender people sexually assaulting or committing violent offenses against cisgender people. It's almost as if her shrill hysteria about transgender people is a smoke screen for the sexual violence that was perpetrated by a family member within her own family.

I was shocked to see on the news report how the Duggars stated that their son is not a pedophile and he has been forgiven by his victims and the rest of the family. It’s fascinating to watch their level of denial about this matter in view of what their opinions are about transgender people. Their son essentially gets a pass from the family for being a child molester while they publicly try to persecute people like me.My fascination is a lot like watching a car accident about to happen which can no longer be avoided. You experience the horror, but you just can’t look away.

 At one time, I used to hold a level II sex offender treatment provider license in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Due to the son having been 15 and not 16 at the time of his offenses, he technically is not considered a pedophile, but it is most concerning that he had multiple victims and if he had been a few months older, he would be considered by the criteria to be a pedophile. There is no denying however that his behavior was predatory in nature and he had several victims who he serially sexually abused in a planned out manner. Moreover, sex offenders have a notoriously high rate of reoffending, though this does not appear to be the case with Josh Duggar to the best of our knowledge. However, as time goes by, more women who had been victimized by him may emerge from the shadows. We shall have to wait and see.

For the life of me, I cannot understand how Mrs. Duggar can make such uninformed and stupid comments about a class of people she knows nothing of and accuses them of something so heinous as pedophilia without a shred of evidence in such a cavalier manner with this mess lying at her doorstep. But of course, in the case of the Duggars, their son is repentant and that makes everything fine. Nothing to look at there, people, please move along and pretend nothing ever happened. Just agree with them and point your fingers and condemn transgender people publicly instead of discussing the very real danger their son posed to his sisters and other females in the community.

It seems to me that people in glass houses should not be casting stones. It is my hope that the Duggars will no longer be afforded a public forum to spread false beliefs and spew their hatred born of ignorance over the public air waves.

We would never have known about how deeply the Duggar’s hypocrisy truly runs if it were not for the release of police records that should never have been revealed. The true victims are the girls who have been traumatized again and I am deeply sorry that happened to them. However, with this new information, I would like to see an organized effort to remove these people from the public forum by cancelling their television show. They do not appear to be healthy role models for America.

Further Along.........New Directions?

Well, It's very disappointing to myself that I have not written here since January and didn't write as much last year as I would have liked to have written.

However, I have been writing quite actively, and have been reconstructing my girlhood growing up through the Japanese form of poetry known as Haiku. I came to understand that I had a vast number of flashes of memory of my distinctly being aware from a young age throughout adolescence and young adulthood.

This led to an idea to do a sort of Japanese Western fusion poetry where I could place these individual Haiku into a western style stanza long form poem in a chronological order. The whole body of work serves to validate my gender identity and also demonstrates some of the developmental challenges that many transsexuals experience on their journey. I'm very interested in writing about developmental tasks that are encountered along with looking at mastery vs failure of these developmental tasks.

At the same time, I've renewed my interest in Logotherapy. Logotherapy is a form of psychotherapy founded on the experiences and ideas by Victor Frankl. Dr. Frankl was a psychiatrist in Austria when the Nazis came to power. He was interred in one of the worst concentration camps, Auschwitz solely based on being Jewish, and a rather secular Jewish man at that. He survived the experience. and was able to be reflective about his experience. Specifically, he observed that the difference between those who survived the Holocaust did so because they had not lost a sense of purpose. Their lives continued to have meaning despite the indescribable horror of man's capacity for brutality and sadism that they faced every moment of their existence in the concentration camps.

Furthermore, these people had a vision that was unshakable for a hopeful future. It was these characteristics that allowed those who were not cremated or gassed to survive.

It seems to me that Logotherapy which is based on these ideas, has quite a lot to offer as a potentially highly effective school of therapy. Rather than examining the past in detail and dredging up problems from the past, logotherapy as I understand it at this time, encourages people to find meaning in their present circumstances while creating a vision for how one wants to live her life.

To understand this therapy better, I have been reading Dr. Frankl's seminal book Man's Search For Meaning, and researching articles about Logotherapy. I found a 150 hour program that leads to a degree and Diplomat status for advanced practitioners. I am very seriously considering enrolling in this program so that I may be better prepared to use these powerful tools to help my patients.

In the meantime, I seem to be getting a bit wiser as I gracefully grow a bit older; I decided to do what worked so well last summer and work only three days a week again. I have projects that are ongoing in improving my beloved old home and I continue to find golf to be a spiritual discipline.

Hopefully I'll write a few helpful articles here as well during this time!

Further Along: How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Well, Its been quite a long time since I updated the blog about what has been going on in my life. When last I wrote about the bigoted, transphobic and inexcusable hatred directed by my daughter in law and stepson towards me and towards poor Patty who did not deserve the treatment she received from them, I knew that if I did not take positive action to help us both, we would both fall into despair. The real victim in all of that episode was Patty. For her to essentially lose the relationship she had with her son for things that have nothing to do with her directly was a terrible and unjust loss. We really didn't expect anything else from our daughter in law. She never liked me from the day we met over 20 years ago and it was clear to Patty as well that she didn't like Patty either. Nasty remarks she had made about Patty to another of our children's spouse came back to us,so being cast out of her life was no real loss to either Patty or me.

While I thought that my stepson and I were very close at one time. He had told me that I was like a father to him as his father had left the family when he was very young. Two years ago when my own father died, he never even lifted the phone to offer any kind of support or comfort to me during one of the most difficult times in my life. After the initial shock of my step daughter's bad behavior, his refusal to talk to me about my being transsexual was no surprise to me. It was a reflection of the weakness of his character. My daughter in law had verbally attacked Patty about me, she was too much of a coward and a bully to speak to me about this. she saw Patty as an easy target. So this loss of family, while painful, was not nearly as hard for me as it was for Patty and my main concerns have been for her. Not visiting on Christmas or other occasions was actually a relief for me as I am glad I don't have to see them anymore. when I have known for years I really wasn't welcome at their home by my daughter in law.

To watch Patty suffer through this was heartbreaking for me though and I knew I had to do something to be here with her more and spend more time with her that our daily lives generally do not allow us to be together as much as we both long for. I also knew that with my own history of depression that I could not allow myself to fall back into depression. Truthfully, I can say I have not had a depressed day since I transitioned, but I have a real fear of ever becoming depressed as I was the prior 6 years before I did transition.

So I made a decision to take an extra day off from work each week. I am fortunate to work a four day work week with every Wednesday off. That has allowed me to play golf and attend to business matters that can't be taken care of on the weekends as well as having more time during the week with Patty. I was fortunate to be able to take Tuesdays off for the summer months giving me two days off in a row during the week and of course my two day weekends.

We decided to start doing home renovations that were long over due and to take more time for each other. I was also able to play golf more often as my back allowed, which I find is good for my spiritual condition. Our house is over 130 years old and my father had bought it in 1969. He remodeled it then and it was time to renovate again, but I never seemed to have the time to make any big improvements. We had also inherited two estates over the past 20 years and much of that stuff had been cluttering the house for years.

So what we did was rented a construction site sized dumpster and began decluttering, and getting rid of the debris from the renovations that we did! By the summer's end we had filled the dumpster completely which was my goal!

As far as the house was concerned we came up with a two year plan to upgrade and repair the house. I also had a lot of help from a good friend all summer long. I couldn't have gotten done all that we accomplished without his help. Patty and I enjoyed his company and he would bring his dog over to play with Jack which was good for Jack as well. After a hard day's work, Patty or I would cook him a wonderful meal and enjoy his company and friendship. It was truly a reflection of the depth of his friendship to be so generous with his time and energy to help us get so much.

First we emptied out the utility room and scrubbed down the floors, walls and ceilings. This probably had not been done in 20 years as because of Patty's and my physical disabilities we were unable to do much in the way of heavy work, but I have been blessed to have had a wonderful recovery from my cervical spine surgery and can do a lot of things I thought I would never be able to do again (like play golf!). We got rid of the accumulated clutter in there as well and got the room organized.

Then we started pulling up old tile and carpet downstairs and upstairs, The tile wasn't too bad for the most part, but I never realized that when you take up old carpet, then you have to pull up the various tack boards and staples out of the floor that holds the carpet in place. That was tedious work!

We bought ourselves a new refrigerator and had new energy efficient windows installed downstairs. I felt ambivalent about replacing those old windows because of the antique wavy glass which added a nice touch to our old house, but the need to be energy efficient made the decision necessary.

Then we began the project that took up over half of the summer and into late fall. We painted the lower portion and the larger part of the metal roof. We decided to not paint the high part of the roof because it needs to be replaced and that is part of next year's project. We just got done with that by the time it got too cold to paint outside as it took much longer than we thought it would. The last time the roof was painted, the people I hired did a very poor job and it began peeling in months after it was painted. First we had to scrape down the roof removing the old paint. I think that the people I hired didn't do that and that is why it peeled. Then we primed the roof and after that painted it. This year, I will have the upper roof replaced and touch up the roof that we painted from whatever damage the winter has done.

I have been a coin collector since I was 7 or 8, but never organized my collection in any meaningful way. So I really didn't know what I have in my collection. I spent many enjoyable hours organizing and cataloging my collection on a spread sheet so I know what I have. I enjoy identifying and organizing my foreign coins as much as my American coins, Its also fun to find out the history of what was going on when the coins were first struck and circulated as some coins were struck due to historical circumstances and there are some very interesting stories behind the images on some coins.

One story I will share is about the "flying eagle" once cent coin which was only struck and circulated for two years in 1857 and 1858. It was used before the Indian head penny. The eagle lived at the Philadelphia mint. It was a wild eagle and not captive, so it would come and go as it pleased. The men who worked at the mint considered it as sort of their pet and named him "Pete" So it is Pete the eagle who was the model for that coin! Sadly, Pete met an untimely and tragic end. Somehow, Pete got his wing caught in one of the coin stamping presses and despite doing everything they could to try to save Pete, he did not survive the injury and died from his injuries.Another reason I didn't write here for so long is that I have spent a lot of time on creative writing this summer and fall. Patty is a quite talented poet and is a published author. I have also written poetry over the years and featured my favorite poem that I wrote from the 1980's called the Tao of Fishing earlier on this blog.

We have been fascinated with the Japanese form of poetry called Haiku. True Haiku is written only about nature and follows the form of three lines with five syllables in the first line, seven in the second and five in the third line. I have written in the past that I can see that even though born male and raised male that I had a girlhood growing up, albeit a very unusual one, mainly in my inner life. I decided to write a long form poem using Haiku poetry structure as the format for each stanza. When it is ready for publication, I will post it here.

We are getting ready to have a new back door installed which will be stronger and better insulated as well. I have also been preparing to paint the upstairs hallway and bathroom, which we will do in two weeks.

This summer I'm planning to take an extra day off each week again. We have the upstairs windows to replace and more decluttering to be done so that we can have those windows replaced, as well as removing the old tile in the bedrooms and bathrooms. We need to have the down stairs bathroom redone and then we can finish painting the upstairs. After that we will repaint the downstairs as well.
We have some minor painting to do outside on some outbuildings too.

So the lesson I would leave you with from my experiences this summer is that in the face of such adversity, it is important to focus on the blessings in your life. Find positive things to do that will enrich the quality of your life and do not dwell on what cannot be helped.

In the end, who really lost from my stepson's and daughter in law's malicious attitude? Patty certainly did and to a much lesser degree I did as well, but what did they lose? They lost our love and generosity. They tried to turn my stepson's brother and sister against us and that failed, largely due to my daughter in law's nasty treatment towards them which they are aware of and now my stepson feels totally alienated from his whole family. He has no one left there for him in his family due to his wife's actions.

In the future when it is time for me and Patty to leave this earth, they will not benefit from what we could have left them, nor will their children be helped to go to college or get their own start in life as we are not allowed to have anything to do with our grandchildren. In the end, they will have been hurt more by their own bigotry and hatred than they ever hurt us when the inevitable hard times we all experience in life come along. This has to do with the time I have spent in prayer asking for my anger to be taken away and to forgive them, not for their sake, but so that I will have peace in my life. To be frank, it is a way to become indifferent to what they have done to us. I have found that engaging in that spiritual discipline always works, but it doesn't work immediately. But it has always worked for me.

On the Occasion of the Seventieth Anniversary of the Liberation of Auschwitz

On Tuesday January 27th, the world observed seventieth anniversary of the liberation of the Nazi German death camp Auschwitz in Poland by the American army. Approximately 300 Jewish survivors of this nightmarish extermination prison were able to attend on what to me was one of the saddest and most somber occasions in my memory.

The memory of the liberation of this death camp in the last days of World War II is quickly slipping from our consciousness as fewer and fewer survivors of the Holocaust survive to remind us. With their passing, the reality of man's inhumanity to man appears to have diminished as well as the world's resolve to never let such an atrocity to occur again.  Perhaps the world has never learned the lessons of such sadistic oppression and annihilation of a people based on race or religious beliefs or ones' identity. I base that statement on observing many genocides that have been perpetrated on races of people and various peoples of faith and identity all over the world that have occurred in my lifetime as the world community looks on and turns a blind eye.

Presently, we have seen a resurgence of antisemitism in Europe the Middle East, Africa and here in the United States. We see daily reports of terror attacks by Muslims on Jews and Christians in the name of Allah, both by organized military groups and by individuals all over the world. We live in a climate in which our President Obama is unwilling to name violent acts by Muslims for what they are: Islamic terrorism. Nor is Mr. Obama willing take any real effective action to end the violence and oppression of Jews, Christians, women and other minorities.

Whether this is due to a position of sympathy for Islamic perpetrators of violence or outright fear of naming and condemning the perpetrators of violence as Islamic extremism has yet to be determined. We may never know his true motivations for many years to come, as it is only the passage of time before history allows the truth to come to light about what is happening now. Will it be too late or will it ever happen at all?

There is a profound failure of the good people of the Islamic faith to confront the radical violent elements of their faith and take a stand against them. It is no different than the failure of the good people of Germany who would not take a stand against the violence perpetrated against Jews, Gays, Gypsies, and people with mental and developmental disabilities in the name of racial purification by the Nazis.

 It is no different than the good people of the America who turned a blind eye to the terrible and horrific violent oppression of Black Americans in America after the American Civil War was settled and the institution of the enslavement of Black people was ended, yet their institutionalized suffering, oppression and disenfranchisement continued through the late 1960's.

It is a failure that will end in more instances of genocide and the oppression of people of all races and faiths and identities. If allowed to continue, it will result in the same end for us that Nazi Germany came close to accomplishing against others who were not of the Aryan race.

While the American Left appears to be apologetic and quite tolerant towards Radical Islam, they ignore the threat to their own cherished values. They will not be spared as the rest of us will not be spared. Our President Obama seems to harbor an animus towards the Jewish people that is palpable and he seems to tacitly embrace the culture of violence and destruction towards all those who are different or believe differently than Radical Muslims do.

As a woman of transsexual experience, I am fearful of the policies of the White House. While the Obama administration has done more to promote the civil liberties and freedoms that I enjoy because of legislation he has enacted, the policies he pursues in the international arena will lead to the violent oppression of Jews, Christians, women, gays, lesbians, and transsexuals. Even their lives will be sacrificed simply for being who they are or for their religious beliefs.

The passage was written during the Jewish Holocaust by Pastor Martin Niemöller:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

It is as true today as when it was written. What will you do when they come for you because of your identity or your beliefs? Who will stand for you?